Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings & a Dab of Pokemon

Oi, don’t move a single muscle. You’ve officially trodden on a mine for landing in my territory. When I tell you to move, then you do so – if you refuse to listen, I will inflict your computer with the most deadly virus inspired by Adolf Hitler and the assistance of Mr. Jobs and Gates. I’m joking, I’ll just simply swear at you through the comments…

Now this is my first blog, so you better read because I’m not going to type my journal at the speed of diorreah for nothing. It’s been about a year since I had begun to write a novel to occupy me whilst I continue to be on hold. I get family and friends asking me every time they see me, “how’s your novel getting on?” What the hell do you say to them other than, “it’s going well, thanks.” It’s starting to sound like I’m lying – which I bloody am. I’ve underestimated the whole process of writing a novel. It’s absolutely long and so back and forth. This isn’t writing at all, it’s rewriting – something I had learnt only a couple of weeks ago. My habit of shredding my lips and making them look like Pete Burns as I experience countless writer’s block has gotten worse, which is stimulated by the depression I am suffering due to personal reasons that I may share with you before the media gets there first once I’m famous – optimistically. But don’t be alarmed; I have evidence that surrendering is not in my vocabulary because I was sorted in the Slytherin house on the ‘Pottermore’ website, but playing Mario games on my Nintendo 3DS in the meantime is… Just over half the draft of the novel has been completed and I tend to find myself deleting and replacing scenes for the better. I can’t slip out any kind of information of what it’s about, because it could go against my ignorance in some devious way. I guess the only information I can give you which should help you figure out the genre is that it’s a cauldron of Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and a touch of Pokemon (yes, don’t look stumped, and don’t deny the fact that you’ve never dreamed of actually owning a Pokemon in reality either). But come on man, we’ve gotta love Harry Potter. I’ve been inspired to write because of the language of J.K Rowling. Not quite sure why she had ended the series. I understand she felt that it was time to end it, but we were willing to pay her with gold bars and not cash if she continued. It’s never too late to change your mind J.K Rowling – actually, can’t somebody do the ‘Misery’ written by Stephen King on her? Back to me. I’m slightly struggling to come up with a remarkable ending that doesn’t embrace the typical of: recovering an artefact, destroying a giant, ugly, mofo of a creature; or the number one favourite: a hero fought the evil lord and brought peace to the world – NEIN (German for ‘no’)! I will only grant a pass if you make the very last of the ‘series’ be about that. I’m not saying that I haven’t got an ending – it’s just, my conscience is telling me that I need to come up with something more intense; and that’s something to not be ignored. I need something that’s going to make readers pester me on Twitter (actually no, what am I saying?) to publish my next novel and not want to toss a shoe in my direction the same way the legend who did so at George Bush for being disappointed. I will succumb an ending that’ll make you want to marry me for my talent in writing – ladies only please; gentlemens – in your dreams should be permissible.

I can hear ‘The Sound of Music’ singing in my head this present moment and it means that if you’ve gotten here, please kindly close your eyes and imagine a faithful kiss on the forehead by  - Golum, comment to this blog if you dare; follow me on Twitter, tweet, retweet, and come again for more… And oh yeah, you may step off the mine now. I forgot to activate it – I’ll do it for the next trespasser.

God bless.